REAL LOSERS - Music For Funsters LP

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TERMINAL BOREDOM (USA) I liked the Losers' first LP quite a bit, but this, their sophomore effort, just ups the ante by a re-fucking-cockulous degree. All of the trademark hyperactictive- teenagers-off-their-ritalin-and-on-too-much-booze energy they're known for can be found here in abundance, but they've added on heaps of melody and gobs of hooks, making this a cant miss concoction for any summer time parties you might be thinking about crashing. Hit singles? You're kidding me right? This whole album is fucking top of the pops from start to finish. One question remains however: just what exactly is a "funster." I'll have to corroborate this with the band, but my guess is that it involves getting yourself three sheets to the wind on Sparks at the aforementioned party, listening to the first Ivy Green album way too loud while some girl you just met sits on your lap, somehow deciding that dancing naked is a good idea, and in mid-depantsing some goofball kicking you ass first down a flight of stairs. Laying there in a drunken heap at the bottom of the stairs, your pants around your ankles and the strains of someone fucking to Teengenerage in the bedroom above you mixing with the sound of a bunch of people singing along to Protex in the basement you havejust landed in, you realize you have to be up for work in three hours. Naturally, you get up, slide out of your pants, walk up the stairs, get another sparks, and invite the girl to come "take a load off" on your lap. If you've ever had a night like that, or even if you want to, I think you just might be a funster, and as such this is the perfect record for you.(SB)

NOW WAVE MAGAZINE (USA) #1 The REAL LOSERS' second LP is undoubtedly the most appropriately-titled rock recording since the 1995 release of Michael Jackson's Cum On Feel The Boys 7". Every time I hear it, Music For Funsters takes me back a few years. I remember myself at the wheel of my crappy old Ford Tempo, the infectious lo-fi punk of Supercharger and TEENGENERATE blaring from the boombox seated on the passenger's side floor, yours truly speeding home in anticipation of licking pussy while listening to the Registrators. Now, as then, nothing beats super-catchy rock n' roll of the trashy variety. And England's REAL LOSERS are perhaps today's premier practitioners of that particular sound.Under no circumstances can I foresee a reasonable human being with even an iota of musical taste not liking the REAL LOSERS. If you told me you hated this band, I would have no choice but to surmise that you're the kind of person who eats dogs, sleeps with midgets, and poisons children's candy at Halloween. REAL LOSERS haters are the sorts of guys who like to pee on their girlfriends and boo Special Olympians. You can usually find them at home fiddling with their stereos' graphic equalizers.Like all the great garage/punk/rock n' roll longplayers, Music For Funsters radiates such unfettered adolescent enthusiasm and primitive ferocity that it seems like it could have been banged out in the basement by a bunch of wild-hearted teenagers who just learned to play yesterday. But like all the great garage/punk/rock n' roll longplayers, it complements such gloriously pubescent racket with irresistible tunefulness, inspired vocalizing, and deceptively formidable musical chops. You might hear this record and think you could start a band just as good. I wouldn't recommend it, old sport. Retarded two-chord trash of this high a caliber requires a special kind of genius. "Tear Me Apart" is in serious running for 2005 song-of-the-year honors! Music For Funsters was supposed to be the REAL LOSERS' "power pop" album. But while the songs here are indeed catchier than the clap, this ain't powerpop, brother. No no no no no no no no. This is exhilarating, supercharged rock n' roll: pure teenage punk in its rawest, coolest form. Turd-o-phonic production prevails. Dirty, fuzzed-out guitar flies off at a million miles an hour but somehow manages to hold onto its melodic quality. A ramshackle rhythm section keeps up just fine, exuding a crude, careening brilliance. Lead shouter C. Shake hollers with a right-on mix of crazykid oomph and goodtime 'tude. And the material is hot! Tunes like "Boy In A Chinese Shop" and the booty-shakin' opener "Look Real Sharp" achieve a simplistic greatness, while the group's extra-peppy Mongoloid is just flat-out awesome. Yeah.Like the Japanese bands they emulate, the REAL LOSERS work under the influence of early Ramones albums and good ole' American rock n' roll, those primary ingredients spat back out with breakneck savagery and a complete disregard for the fine art of sound quality. Music for Funsters is an album to fuck to, an album to crank in your car when you're out driving with friends, an album to play real loud while you're alone in your room and feel like pissing off your house mates. Merry old England, once fertile ground for great punk rock, hasn't managed to produce a whole lot of decent rock n' roll in recent decades. Single-handedly, the REAL LOSERS have atoned for the sins of their countrymen. My only criticism:Let the drummer sing more backups! (JR)

NOW WAVE MAGAZINE (USA) #2 England's best band is at it again. The REAL LOSERS manage to avoid the sophomore slump. Their first LP, Time to Lose, was a cool, trashy record. But this is so much better. The production is still as raw but is much more crisp, and the songwriting has improved a lot. The REAL LOSERS are one of the few bands out there today that understand what rock n' roll is all about: F-U-N!!!! They don't fuck around with trying to look smart or trying to be ace musicians. They know the best rock n' roll is fun, loose, and wild. The thing that makes the REAL LOSERS so great is that they can actually play. Shake throws in really cool Ron Asheton-like basslines, and the Hand is like an inept James Williamson on PCP (that's a compliment). The REAL LOSERS' secret weapon is Hot Dog. Her inepto drum bashing is on par with Moe Tucker of the Velvet Underground and Karin from Supercharger. I mean, she can't really play drums, but she pounds away like a crazed cavewoman beatin' on a log, and it works. I can't imagine the REAL LOSERS being as cool if they had a real drummer who played "actual" drum parts. Fuck that! You gotta love her backup vocals too. Like I said before, the songwriting is better by leaps and bounds. Listen to "Look Real Sharp", and you know yer listening to some top notch rock n' roll. The same TEENGENERATE meets Stooges raw edge is still there; it's just that this time around, there are more hooks. I dare you to play "Brainwash City Again" and "Just Too Late" and not want to play them again and again.A friend of mine saw the cover of this and said, "Wow, this looks cliche". I wasn't surprised he said that; he is a musician type...he takes his musicianship seriously. He practices his scales, he reads books on how to learn to play better. In other words, he's a music snob. You know what? He's right...the REAL LOSERS are cliche, and Ilove them for it. You will too.(TT)